Lesson Learned

I have a lot of people asking and wondering what it is like adjusting to my new life with twins. Well let me just clear that up for you...

Have you ever been driving in the fast/passing lane trying to pass a semi truck when you realize the vehicle behind you can't possibly fathom why you are going so slow and consequently tails your car writhin 3 inches or so? And then you panic because you feel bad you are not going fast enough for them and you can't get out of their way because the semi truck is to your other side... So you speed up to a speed that is completely out of your comfort zone in hopes of satisfying the speedster behind you, but of course they are not satisfied so you keep accelerating and then just feel completely out of control and can't wait to get back to a slower lane? Has this happened to you?? 

Well THAT is what life feels like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah there are good times, amazing times even, but I would not mind just pulling over and taking a rest nap for a bit before I fall asleep at the wheel and kill us all!!! (That was dramatic... I apologize) (also, car analogies are over I promise) 

The whole incident on the freeway described above happened to me on my way home tonight. I made the connection with how it relates to how I feel about life and then it sparked deep thoughts about happiness and life. (I really only have time to think while driving in the car, because the babies are strapped to a chair)

Anyway, I distinctly remember the day I came home from 2nd grade and was working on a homework sheet at the bar in the kitchen, when it sunk in that I would be attending at least 14 more years of school. 14 years is an eternity to a 7 year old. I was devastated. It was right then and there that I started longing for the life my mom had. She didn't have to go to school, she was an adult and didn't have rules, she could just play all day with no cares in the world. HA! I truly believed that for years and years! 

Well, I am now somewhat in my mother's shoes, and I have had plenty of moments where I would much rather be a kid in school where my only responsibility was to complete a homework sheet and make sure it got back to the teacher. 

As I was pondering this on my drive home tonight I chuckled a little... Because I realized the lesson Heavenly Father wanted to teach me took about 17 years for me to learn. 

Enjoy life for what it is now! Something hard and challenging will always be going on, but what is important is to find the light where you are standing and stop looking for it somewhere else. 

Easier said than done, but I can give it a go! It's ok that I feel like I am careening down the highway out of control. That's probably what my situation SHOULD feel like. But I don't have to long for the slow lane. Slow lane people have their own problems... Like cars getting on the freeway cutting them off, rouge tires, even slower people, and probably being late... Anyway, I want to share some pictures of a few "light" moments that I happened to capture in my phone.

My man and his look-alike daughter snuggled on the couch. 

The first discovery of glow sticks and the joy that ensued.

That time they drank their bottles together but still wanted to be touching the whole time. 

And again.

My mom took this when she took them for a walk. They always have the biggest smiles for the grandparents! 

When she makes this adorable face..

When he discovers a new object and holds it out away from his body and sings to it with delight. 

I smile at Jordan and my babies daily! I always have millions of things to be thankful for. The grass is green right where I am :) 

 

FIRE!!!

One of Jordan and my favorite things to do on the weekends, or just really any day, is to have a fire. After all, we met at a fire, got engaged at a fire, and we both have a vein of pyro running through us. (We have both burened an assortment of things just because it looks cool in flames!) So tonight we decided to take the twins to their first Wayment fire! It was a tiny fire... But still! 

We were out by our favorite lake and Jordan's parents decided to come with us! It is fun to have grandparents so close to us so they can just come do random things with us and the kids. (Sorry it's blurry)

Our fires usually start with Jordan hacking away at whatever we decide to use as firewood... Tonight it was a box he built for his tools that he decided he didn't want anymore. 

There were mosquitoes out and about so we had to protect the Littles! I used this blanket as shelter..Excuse my crazy hair. 

Wake has ALWAYS been obsessed with lights so it was adorable to watch him be so fascinated at the fire.

It wasn't a very eventful fire, like the ones we have had in the past (igniting couches, entertainment centers, jumping through flames, or playing catch with flaming rags dipped in gasoline), but this fire made me sit back and realize how beautiful life is. I love my husband who always has a crazy idea up his sleve, my two perfect babies who don't even look like they are related, and our new life we are figuring out together. 

The Plague!!! (RSV)

So the babies and I caught the dreaded RSV despite all of my efforts to avoid it like The Plague! I have a hard time pronouncing what RSV really stands for so I have re-named it the Really Stupid Virus. Because... It is really stupid. 

I was quite proud of myself that my babies hadn't gotten sick yet, and they are already 6 months old, so when they started to get what I thought was a cold, I was just like, "meh, I guess it's about time." 2 days later little Wake started wheezing so we took him in to the Instacare. They stuck this long evil thing up his nose to get a mucus sample, meanwhile Wake thought he was dying and my heart was breaking. Within like 3 minutes it came back positive for RSV. We didn't bother testing Raylee or me for a result because.... We all share everything... Bath water, boobs, blankets,     kisses, slobber, toys, you get the idea.. 

My only experience with RSV is just what I have heard from horror stories in the news or from other people, so of course I though the next step was going to be my babies whisked away to the hospital to have breathing tubes and crap shoved everywhere. But no. The doctor was just like, "well there is nothing we can do for viruses so just keep their noses clear, you could also take them outside! It's such a nice day!"

I thought that was a bit chipper.. But he did give us a prescription to take them to the RSV clinic at the hospital incase their breathing got labored. 

Not going to lie, I was freaking out. What did labored breathing look like? Why didn't he think my babies would die like all of the other kids in the news? There has to be SOMETHING we can do! 

We all left the Instacare a bit frazzled and wondering what was going to happen next. Wake's wheezing was still freaking us out so we decided we should give the babies a blessing and take a visit to this RSV clinic in the hospital. 

Jordan and my dad gave the babies a blessing before we left to the hospital. (If you don't know what that is, it is basically a prayer combined with the power of the Prehistood administered to people to give them special blessings the Lord wants them to have and to provide peace and comfort.) They were blessed that they would be able to overcome their illness, so I immediately felt a little better about the situation, but still worried about what was next. 

We have been to the RSV clinic about four times since then and we are probably going to go again today.  They suction out the babies noses and throats and just keep things clear so they can breathe easily and make sure they don't get infections from all the nasty mucus. They have also provided us with a lot of peace and knowledge. Most of the time RSV is really not a big deal. It is usually bad for about 7 days with days 4 and 5 being the worst (we are on day 7), and then most babies and people emerge unscathed. 

I'm not sure we are out of the clouds yet, but it is sure looking like the babies are recovering well! We rented an electronic suctioning device (BBG -- Baby Bugger Grabber) to suck the babies noses several times a day. They HATE it but after it's over they feel much better. Also my mom came over to take care of me and the babies while Jordan was at work.  If people could be declared Angels... I would declare her one. 

I was looking over pictures we took during the week and it looks like the babies are having the time of their lives... Not true... I just have smiley babies :) 

These next two are the kids in their winter suites we had them in when we took them out for some fresh air :)

And of course Jordan didn't get sick AT ALL. He has been taking these fancy vitamins that apparently make you iron man. Maybe I shall start taking some now. 

We kept them in the high chairs a lot so they could be upright so they could breathe better. 

Just pray that we keep getting better and better!! 

That One Time I Was The Angel

So I have been wanting to write about this for a WHILE but at least I am finally getting to it now :) 

You don't have to reassure me that angels are walking among us. I know this to be true without a doubt! Sometimes, however, these angels are actually our family, friends, neighbors, or random strangers who Heavenly Father sends to to help us. These past months of my life since my babies have been born have been filled with these spiritual and physical angels. 

Well, thanks to an incident with my rug, I was used as the angel this time :) 

You see, it had snowed and Jordan came home from work. As he walked in the door he brought a trail of brown wet sludge with him... Unacceptable. I knew that I would definitely lose the battle to get him to take his shoes off so I happily accepted that I would have to purchase some rugs for my front and back doors. Win for a clean house and win for buying something new and cute for my house! 

My mom and I packed up my babies and a left-over Target giftcard from a baby present and went shopping for some rugs. I quickly fell in love with this rug. It was beautiful!! Buuuut it was mustard yellow, and I was afraid to decorate my house with that color.

Also it was too wide for my back door so I couldn't buy two of them. I just decided to buy two of these other rugs. 

They are cool and they would match, so I left my beautiful rug behind. 

When I got home and put the rugs down, I was let down. The rug I had settled for did not look good at my front door and I realized my mustard rug would look fabulous there. 

This is when it gets good (I know no one truly cares about my rug delema). When Jordan got home that night I informed him we were going back to Target to exchange the rug. We ate dinner, packed up the kids again and made our way back to my beautiful rug. 

We kind of attract attention when we go shopping with the babies.. First of all we have a huge limo stroller that basically has a flashing sign that says, "TWIN BABIES HERE" 

Also, Jordan INSISTS that he push the stroller. (I had to tell him to let me stand there for the picture above). He says he is just being a gentleman but we all know he just likes pushing it because he gets attention and it has wheels. But anyways people stare at the random guy pushing the stroller. 

Not more that 2 minutes of being in the store we were stopped by a tall, freckley guy who looked about our age who asked, "Do you have twins?" 

We are used to this question and we gave him our rehearsed response that, yep we do, and our somewhat pushed smiles and tried to keep walking. Before we could escape he eagerly said, "we are having twins too."

We stopped dead in our tracks and swarmed him and started the rapid fire of questions. Are they your first? How far along is your wife? Do you know what you are having? Etc... He politely answered and confirmed that they were their first kids and not very far along. As he started asking for information on our stroller, his wife walked over. She was equally tall and freckley and very sweet looking. I looked at her and just felt like I knew her. Jordan abruptly asked, "so do you know what your birth plan is?" 

I tried to give him a scolding look for asking a controversial question but he wouldn't look at me. The girl simply said that she did not want to have a c-section (the same answer I had given many people before I believed in myself to go through with a natural birth). I suddenly felt the urge to tell her that I had my twins  naturally and unmedicated. I don't really like bringing it up because I don't want to sound baggy and that is NOT why I did it. As I told her about it, I could see a sence of releif and longing in her eyes. "Really?" She said with hope in her voice. "Really." 

I looked at her straight in the eyes and said, "if that is something you want to do, you can do it! Don't let anyone tell you you can't."

Relief and hope ran across her face as I then went on to reassure her that it was the most beautiful thing I had experienced and told her about hypnobabies and to find a doctor who would support her. 

We wrapped up the conversation and it was at the point where social cues suggest we should walk away and keep shopping but no one moved. We were so bonded and connected! It didn't feel natural to just leave them! We knew exactly what they were going through and they wanted more information! There was nothing left to be said though so we eventually parted ways. 

I told Jordan I would have KILLED to have had that conversation when I was pregnant with the twins. I didn't know a single person who had their twins unmedicated and it was terrifying! I was so happy to have talked about it with this girl! Maybe it helped her as much as it would have helped me. 

Well we went to the rug isle and got my beloved rug! As we made our way to the customer service counter so I could exchange it I was feeling pretty good about things. When we got to the counter, a woman in her thirties was there with an older woman. They had two carts and two car seats and as I got closer I realized the thirty-something woman was waaaay pregnant and the older woman was her mother. "Are you having twins?!?" I excitedly assumed because of the two car seats and the HUGE belly (well it was..). She confirmed that she was and became really excited as she realized that I had twins too! The questions started all over again from me and Jordan. These were her first babies as well, and she was going in to have them in two days. Jordan realized that meant she wasn't going to have a natural birth so he thought up the next most awkward thing he could say... "Nursing has been the hardest part, are you going to breast feed them?" 

Again I tried to scold him with my eyes, but again he wouldn't look. To my suprise, the woman was eager to talk about it! She told us she desperately wanted to breast feed her babies but that is what she was the most nervous and anxious about. I jumped in to the conversation and reassured her that it was possible and that she could do it!! I also told her I almost gave up three times and it got very hard, but I kept going and it is getting easier. She looked at me, a little relived, and said, "Thank you. If you can do it, I can do it!" 

They finished up their transaction and went on their way and we exchanged the rugs :) I was so amazed that we just had another conversation that I would have killed to have with someone when I was pregnant. 

As we were on our way home I was happily replaying the nights events in my head. I got a little teary as I realized what had just happened. I don't think for one second that it was a coincidence that we were all at Target at the same time that night. Those women needed some encouragement and a vote of confidence that I could give to them (I know they needed it because I was in their shoes), and I was able to be reminded that I was doing a good job and I had made it so far. I am so humbled that Heavenly Father chose me to talk to those women that day and I really hope that I was able to say what they needed to hear! 

I love having my "angel rugs" at my doors now because I am reminded every time I leave my house that I might come in contact with someone who needs an angel that day. I hope that I am living my life well enough that Heavenly Father will choose to use me has his angel again :) 

Feeding Twins and The Incident at 4:42 in the Morningq

So I know lots of people wonder what it is like to have two infants at once... And I especially and unsurprisingly get millions of questions about feeding them. Before all of this, I wouldn't have fathomed how it all worked either but now it seems completely normal.. Although still challenging at times. Jordan takes the whole process for granted because that is all he knows.. but I will go in to that in a minute.  Here are some questions and answers about feeding twins!

Q. Do you nurse them or do formula? 

A. I definitely nurse them... Breast milk is liquid gold for babies and it is worth the time and effort. Also we could not afford to feed them formula! A small can of formula is about $20 and would only provide 15 bottles.. I don't want to do the math but hi...that's expensive. 

Q. Do you nurse them at the same time? 

A. Yes!! If I did not feed them at the same time I would be nursing for like 20 hours a day. Sometimes I do have to wake one of them up to eat with the hungry one but they actually usually get hungry at the same time. 

Q. How do you nurse them at the same time? 

A. I use this nifty little gadget I named my "baby tray" but it is legitimately called the "My Breast Friend" my dad referred to it once as my "breastie" haha that works too dad, that works too. 

I wear it like a pool floaty around my waste and it is somewhat humiliating. The first time Jordan saw me wearing it he said,"You ready to jump in??" To which I replied with a helpless smile. Anyway, when I am alone, I lay the babies next to each other on the couch/floor/bed beside me while I strap in to my baby tray. Then I lean over and pick one of them up at a time and put one baby on each side with their feet to the back of me and I hold them like little footballs. Once they latch I sit patiently in the same position for about ten minutes and listen to their gulping (so cute!) I have a long torso so I end up hunched over :( my back is really taking a beating. They both usually need to be burped at the same time so I secure my hands around their necks and support their heads, lean completely forward so my body is pressing against theirs and heave them up so they are both in burping position. 

 I used to be able to pat their backs at the same time but as they are getting bigger I have to hold one and pat the other and then switch. Once I am thuroughly soaked in spit up, I lay them back down and they are both sound asleep. So I set them to the side of me, unstrap, and change their diapers. Once I am thuroughly soaked in pee and/or poop I start the process over again. This results in babies who are either wide awake and ready for entertainment or a murder scene... Like these.. 

I prefer the murder scene.. Because that means I get go to back to sleep! 

Sometimes I do burp them one at a time as they need it. That is always fun trying to keep the other latched on and happy while holding and patting the other. One time I was doing that and drinking from a water bottle! I felt like an octopus.. 

Q. How long does it take to feed them? 

A. About an hour :/. When they burp fast and I can change them quickly it can be as fast as 40 minutes. Can I get a sarcastic "yay"?    Yaaaaaaaaay

Q. How often do they eat?

A. Every 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours. Even at night. So if you have thought through that correctly, you realize I only get about an hour and a half or two hours of sleep at a time. 

Yes. I am tired. 

Q: Do you enjoy nursing? 

A: Yes and no. No for a few reasons... It makes me sore, I have to do it so often, it is too much of a process to do anywhere public so I am at home way too much and honestly I just want to sleep :( 

But yes because I love doing what is best for them, the alone time to just sit and enjoy them is priceless, and they look up at me and smile now which will melt any mothers heart no matter how tired they are. Also I am burning calories like crazy! Win-win! 

So now back to Jordan to taking the whole thing for granted...

One day I opened up a package of my favorite vanilla sandwich cookies that my mom so graciously bought for me and basically went to town on them. I ate some at every meal and at snack time and just all day.... By the end of the day my babies were in so much pain from throwing up and pooping green slime that I knew something in my milk was bothering them. I didn't know what to do so I said one of my millions of prayers I say a day and asked Heavenly Father to please help me know what to do. The sandwich cookies instantly came to my mind and a prompting to immediately stop eating them so I knew that had to be it. Not wanting to poison our babies further, Jordan and I decided it would be best if for the next few feedings we gave them formula while I pumped the bad milk out. It was about 1:00 am when we decided this and Raylee woke up at 1:30 wanting food so Jordan made her a bottle and gave it to her while I pumped and then woke Wake up to feed him. We all went back to bed, no big deal. At 4:42 both babies woke up crying and wanting food so I turned on the light and nudged Jordan to wake him up. ( he isn't used to waking up with them because I let him sleep and I can handle it by myself) he tiredly looked at me and said, "what? Right now?" I laughed because it was obvious with the crying babies and all... Eventually I got him awake and I started to get the pump ready. I was very excited  to just pump for a while and let Jordan handle the feeding for once! Well, he got up and ogred over to the babies co-sleeper and picked up Raylee and the bottle and went back to his side of the bed. With one crying baby still in the bed I was like, "umm babe? Are you going to feed Wake too??" To which he angrily responded like I was a crazy person with, "feed both of them at once???"

Ummmm I didn't know how to respond to that. Was he really not going to feed them at once? It made me mad, actually, that he didn't think it was possible to give two babies two BOTTLES at once while I go through the struggle of breast-feeding and what I described above every three hours!! I would love to just place two bottles in my children's mouths and hold them there.. So easy. 

I angrily asked him to explain himself and he went on about how if one has to burp or of one starts coughing what would he do with the other one? I honestly don't remember all that he said because it made no sense to me. Well I ended up feeding Wake and pumping while he tended to Raylee. We also argued the whole feeding about whether nursing or bottle feeding was harder... So much for not arguing I front of the kids. In the end I realized I asked a man to multitask... They cannot do that. So we wen to bed laughing and agreeing to disagree. Since then I have convinced him he can feed two babies at once and he is asking for a re-do. We shall see.

At least he can hold the babies at the same time. 

30 Thoughts of a New Mother

Well I have been a mother for exactly one month today! I was trying to think of what to write about since becoming a mom and the range of emotions and things that have happened is too insane for one topic... So here is a list of legitimate thoughts that have gone through my mind since that fateful day. 

1. I can't believe this things were inside of me!!

2. Yep.. My babies are definitely cuter than everyone else's. 

3. How am I so in love with them? 

4. Wait.. I don't ever get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time? Is that even survivable? 

5. They keep going cross-eyed! MY BABIES ARE BLIND

6. My boobs can do what now?

7. On my heck I love them! 

8. Will you please poop more? 

9. Ok you can stop pooping now.

10. Why are there so many bumps in the road and when did they get here? Driving is not a safe activity.

11. I can't wait till you guys get bigger!

12. STOP GROWING! Stop it now. 

13. I think I am going to die.

14. Motherhood is the best thing ever! 

15. She just spit up out of her nose! Is she dying?? 

16. This subtle breez outside is TOO VIOLENT for humans! 

16. There are so many bugs outside... Did we experience an increase? 

17. I wish I could just snuggle them for hours! 

18. BACK AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN

19. Jordan is the best dad ever. 

20. My baby is darker than me... That's just not fair. 

21. One baby would be a looooot easier than two...

22. One baby would not be even close to as awesome as twins. 

23. Can I please just sleep a little longer? 

24. Why did we get chosen to be so blessed? 

25. I got this! 

26. Oh I have no idea what I am doing..

27. I am just going to stop eating everything so I don't upset their tummys

28. Thank goodness for my mother.

29. Am I really trusted with these little angels?

30. Life is going to be so fun!!! 

My Perfect Natural Twin Birth

I have no doubt that I have experienced the most miraculous and perfect thing that I ever will in my entire life! My twin's birth was amazing on so many levels and I want to share my story :) 

I chose to use the Hypnobabies method to be able to birth my twins naturally. I didn't always want a natural birth, ESPECIALLY once I found out I would have to push two babies out... I was like, 

But I am a huge fan of doing things naturally and wholistic stuff, and I kept having the thought come to my mind, "why would Heavenly Father make our bodies perfectly but then require it to do something that everyone thinks is impossible to bear?" So I decided not to give up quite yet and educate myself on birth. 

Through my dear friend Rachel and some spiritual promptings, I stumbled upon a Hypnobabies class taught by Talya Matheson. Hypnobabies teaches self hypnosis to re-wire the way we view birthing to a very positive thing and it teaches deep relaxation and how to use hyono-anesthesia. It also teaches very detailed and accurate information on the birth process and what our bodies can do! I soaked up every ounce of information like a sponge...it was exactly what I wanted to hear and it felt good! By the end of the course, I was craving a natural birth and had so much confidence in myself and my body! Thank you Talya! 

I finished the classes and had about a month to practice my techniques and get my birth team together. I hired Talya as my Doula and Jordan stayed by my side with all of my decisions. I was so excited to see what my birth story would be like! So without further ado..

Thursday started off as a normal day... Sleepy, uncomfortable, and excited that I was one day further. I was 35 weeks and a few days. I had a doctors appointment to go to that I went to with my mom. The doctor said that the babies looked really good! Both head down and cooperating completely. He even made the comment, "they could be born tomorrow and probably be just fine!" Heh heh... 

We went to lunch right after and while we were eating I noticed I felt a little crampy. I had had these feelings before and they didn't hurt at all and they didn't seem to be coming and going... Just kind of a general feeling. I usually felt that way when the babies were growing and my uterus was stretching so I just figured they were getting bigger. 

That night I had a huge dinner packed with protein and carbs and I had the thought, "this would be a good meal to eat right before I went into my birthing time" heh heh... 

After dinner I was supposed to go to a wedding reception with Jordan but I felt a huge desire to sleep and a prompting to listen to my body, so I fell asleep and Jordan went to the reception. I slept for about 3 hours, woke up at 9:00 pm, and waddled myself to the bathroom. While on the toilet I felt a big shuffle come from the babies followed by a slow and somewhat constant trickle. I thought, "um? That was not pee... Wait..." Yyyyyep my water broke and I knew it! I sat there wondering why I hadn't felt any pressure waves and if they would start. In the mean time I just sat there and texted Jordan. I knew that would result in some sort of hyper-reactive tornado that is Jordan, but I needed him home because I was a little bit in shock. I also texted Talya, my doula, to let her know things were starting. Then i called my mom for some comfort before Jordan got home. 

I was still just sitting there when Jordan got home. Sure enough I was bombarded with excited questions... "Are you sure?" "Why is so much coming out?" "Are you ok?" "What do I do?" "CALL THE DOULA" haha... I reminded him what we learned in class and that this is normal and calmed him down a little. I called Talya anyways and she suggested to lay down and get some rest  before things started picking up and to send Jordan to get some pads so I didn't soak the bed. Haha.. Jordan knew what pads were from being a husband, but I had to explain that I needed the big obsorbant kind this time. He ran out the door and came back with the biggest pads I had ever seen!! They were just short of being a diaper.. I laughed and told him thank you.. But they ended up being just what I needed. 

We hadn't packed our hospital bags yet and I hadn't felt any pressure waves so I figured I should get that ready before I got some rest. I was very calm but Jordan waaaaas not. He went into what he calls "survival mode" and ran around the house packing anything and everything he saw that might come in handy later..this included tuna fish cans and a can opener...(an obvious necessity for birth). It was while I was packing that I felt my first real pressure wave! I kind of excitedly just stood there and felt it. I had been wondering for 35 weeks what this would feel like! It felt like a really big fast cramp...ish. I was glad things were moving! 

 I kept packing and they kept coming until I finally realized the pressure waves were coming faster than they should if I was in my early birthing time. I started tracking them and they were already about 6 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds to a minute. At 10:40 I texted my doula and let her know that things wet picking up and I didn't think I could sleep through the waves. She encouraged me to listen to my body and get into hypnosis. I tried laying down to listen to my cd but man my body did not want to lay down! I decided to sit on my birthing ball and listen to my deepening track (a cd that talks you into deep hypnosis). Ten minutes later I realized the waves were pretty intense and I couldn't talk through them. I wasn't completely able to tap into my hypnosis tools because things were moving so fast so I was getting anxious for Talya to come over but I figured I still had like 15 hours left of labor so I didn't ask her to come yet. Ten minutes later though I texted her that I was having a hard time relaxing on my own and she called me and talked me through a few pressure waves. Her voice was so calming and she said everything I needed to hear to remember my hypnosis tools I had been practicing. I was able to be very relaxed after listening to her prompts. Where was Jordan during all of this? On a packing rant... He even came in to ask me if he could run to walmart to buy a head mount for his GoPro and some canned soup... I gave him an exasperated and curious look and said, "no I need you here" and he kicked in and sat with me till Talya got there.

Talya got to our place at about 11:30 or 11:45. I heard Jordan greet her at the door and directed her right upstairs to where I was. I could tell he was really relieved she was there and so was I! 

I spent the next little while awkwardly waddling around trying to find a position that my body would agree with while Talya made me feel very calm and relaxed. At about midnight I threw up and boy did that feel good! When I was throwing up, I remember thinking, "don't people usually throw up when they are in transition?" I still really didn't think I was that far yet.... Talya soon pointed out that my pressure waves were every two minutes now and asked if I would like to go to the hospital yet. I agreed and we made our way to the cars. I went with Talya so she could continue to help me and Jordan followed behind us. We ran lots of red lights and I realized Talya thought I was pretty close to having the babies! But as we got closer to the hospital I experienced some pressure waves that were different from the rest... I don't know how to describe them except for very productive feeling.. And then I finally knew that I was definitely close! 

We pulled up to the ER entrance and a nurse rushed out with a wheelchair to greet us. I didn't hear her, but Talya told me later that she told the nurse I was ready to push! She rushed us up to the Labor and Delivery unit and turned us over to those nurses. The L&D nurses must not have thought I was that close because they were not acting rushed at all. They asked us a few questions and then sent me to triage and they told me to put on my gown and then get in the bed where they will check to see how dialated I was. I just did as I was told, but as soon as I went to change into my gown I felt a huge overwhelming need to push my baby out! I told Jordan and he proceeded to run back and forth between the bathroom where I was to the nurses desk outside yelling, "CAN I GET SOME HELP?" Finally the nurses felt some urgency and walked me over to one of the delivery rooms. Somehow I got changed into the gown and in the bed and the doctor who was on call checked my dilation and announced I was complete....no duh... I got rely excited when he said that though because the only pelvic exam I had was the last one :) and I was so so excited to meet my babies! 

I was pushing during all of this with each pressure wave and the doctor told me not to push until we got to the operating room.... Uuummmm FYI it is impossible not to push... But he is a man and could not possibly understand, so I forgive him for making the comment. (We had to go to the operating room because of hospital policy that every mom with multiples has to deliver in there) Pushing felt so so so good! I loved actively working with my body rather than trying to relax and let it do it's thing. 

We finally made it in there and I chose to push on my knees. Talya was not allowed on the OR so it was just me and Jordan working together. This is something I will cherish for the rest of forever :) he held me and said little prayers with me and told me how amazing I was doing. 

I was pushing for 40 minutes. Those were arguably the best 40 minutes of my life. It was a little weird because there were so many nurses in the OR watching me... I looked around at one point and saw a small crowd of nurse faces watching me from a window... I didn't know what to do so I just smiled at them. They didn't know what to do either and awkwardly smiled back. I was in the zone for most of it though and wasn't aware of my surroundings at all. Jordan said lots of nurses in the room were talking to each other about how well I was handling everything. I felt no pain but felt every sensation from from both babies coming down and crowning to both babies slipping into this life. I pushed my baby boy out first :) it. Was. Amazing! I did it!! I was so happy and proud of myself and feeling him come out was surreal! I was facing backwards so I had to turn around and sit normally to hold him :) he was softly crying and so beautiful! The doctor let his cord pulse a little bit before he had to clamp it and get things ready for baby girl to come out. I handed him to Jordan and then assumed the normal "pushing" position so the doctor could see what baby girl was doing. She was a little angel and was still head down. The doctor suggested we break her sac so she would continue to come down quickly. I was against the idea for a second but I felt very at peace with it and agreed. I didn't have time to get back on my knees because she was coming! After 9 minutes and two pushes she was here! I could see her and she was blue but she quickly took a breath and pinked right up. She was very quiet and just enjoyed me telling her how much I loved her. A piece of my placenta wouldn't come out so there was a bit of craziness while they got that out... But eventually I got both babies in my arms, kisses from Jordan, and the happiest feeling I can't even describe. I still can't believe I did it :) we finally left the cold operating room and went back to the regular room where I got both of my babies to latch and nurse at the same time! Our family was finally together and everything was perfect.  

I owe a lot of this to my hypnobabies training. I spent months re-training my brain and practicing hypnosis. Also Talya was amazing to have! I don't think I will have a baby without her... And Jordan... I might cry.. You were so supportive and helped me be so strong! I love you! 

I am so humbled I was able to be a part of Heavenly Father's plan and participate in the power of His creation. I feel very close to heaven as we work together raising these two little angels :)